Growing Up is Hard and Depression is a Bitch

I've never been able to understand how people wake up in the morning and jump out of bed. How they'll get up and get things done, how they'll attack the day. I don't understand how people have the energy to get so much done, to take care of themselves and their family and their house and workout and have a balanced social life and work on their career. All in one day. 

Some days I feel like I just get out of bed and become exhausted. I'll go to one social event and need to sleep for hours. And if I have a productive day full of adulating and socializing? Well the next two days are probably shot. I'll be sleeping all of that off!

It seems so much worse now that I'm growing up. Like now I don't just have my depression and mental issues to worry about, I also have to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have to be a productive member of society. 

And that's a whole hell of a lot to deal with. 

Those people that just jump out of bed and carpe the shit out of the diem? They're healthy. They've probably worked hard to get there. And if they didn't, they were just lucky enough to not have their own brain fighting them. 

But some of us aren't so lucky. We're cursed with an illness that whispers in our ears that we are worthless, meaningless, that no one loves us and we'll never achieve anything. We have an illness that makes us so afraid of what might happen, even when we are safe. An illness that tells us the world would be better off if we were dead.

It can be very hard to admit, and in such a public way, I have such an illness. It can be difficult to talk about, and I find myself fearing that people will think I'm either conceited or lazy or both. But I know that talking about it openly helps me to feel better, get help that I need, and even destigmatize mental illness a little. I help educate those around me and open them to other people's points of view. Hopefully, I help one person realize that talking about it is ok and asking for help is ok. 

If you relate to anything I've said, please talk to someone close to you. And know that someday even those of us with depression anxiety or any other mental illness will be better.